It was a weird week. I started off Monday feeling like I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing with my life and tried to get some clarity in the form of a hike in one of the most beautiful places in the Bay Area- Lands End Trail.
I didn’t get much clarity.
I did, however, post a photo on instagram along with a little explanation about how I felt kind of weird and unsure about life and felt not very good at it in general lately. I posted the photo as more of a check in; a hi how are ya, I’ve been not great about posting here and this is why. I didn’t expect to get many responses but got a bunch, all so supportive and lovely. This community really does rock.
And then news about Kate Spade, someone who clearly suffered so much, despite fame and fortune, and who had the resources to get help. A reminder that sometimes none of that is enough.
It was also a week of lots of reminders I’d rather not get- the rampant bigotry that is plaguing this country feels even stronger than usual, and I’m completely disgusted by it. It’s hard to post links to recipes when so much terrible shit is happening all around us. Feels so shallow.
And then I woke up Friday to the news about Anthony Bourdain.
I’m still a little bit in shock about it. His voice is so distinct, both the literal sound of it and his unique take on the world. I can hear it. His emotions were so apparent, always. He didn’t hold back. I don’t know if his goal with his books and his shows was to make the world a better place, but I really believe he did just that.
He was truly one of my heroes and I’m so devastated that he’s gone; that he won’t be bringing us on adventures around the world anymore. That he’s not here to speak out against injustice and inequality, which he did with as much passion as seeking out the best bowl of noodles.
He was one of the good ones. And from an outside perspective he seemed to have had it all; wealth, family, loved ones, the best job in the world – if anyone is a crystal clear example of how mental illness doesn’t discriminate, it’s Bourdain.
People are always being reminded that if they’re depressed, to reach out to friends, family, a suicide prevention hotline – and that’s great. Who knows how many people have heard those reminders at just the right time and done just that. But please remember that many people who are suffering from depression don’t know to reach out, don’t know how, or just can’t. Check on your people. Don’t forget the strong ones, the happy ones, the ones who seem to have the most perfect life…. If we’ve learned anything this week it’s that you just never know.
So what now? As sad as I am that Anthony Bourdain is no longer in this world, I’m trying to see it another way; that he lived so much more fully in his 61 years than most people would if they were given 10 lifetimes. I’m sad that he suffered as much as he did. But I have to believe that he also saw so much joy, and brought so much joy to so many people. That he opened so many eyes. Made people less afraid of people who were different than them. How many food or travel shows have done that?
I’m not sure exactly what’s next, for me. But I know I’m going to try my very best to live life, really live it. To stop comparing myself to other people; why have I been doing that my entire life? And I’m going to use my voice to speak out about what I think needs to be said. I got some pushback recently when I did that, and it made me want to speak even louder.
This site and my social media accounts will always be mostly about food, but I can’t keep quiet about the things that are feeling like a punch in the gut. I can’t eat when I feel that way, and I certainly can’t create casseroles and shit.
And in case you’re tempted to comment Stick with food, I don’t come here for politics; let me share with you a quote from Anthony Bourdain himself, who has most definitely been exposed to more cultures and demographics than you or I have.
There’s nothing more political than food. Who eats? Who doesn’t? Why do people cook what they cook? It is always the end or a part of a long story, often a painful one. Look, I travel around the world asking people, ‘What makes you happy, what do you eat and what would you like your kids to eat ten years from now?’ and I get some really interesting and complicated answers in places like Beirut, Iran, Vietnam, and even Detroit.
– Anthony Bourdain
So in honor of Bourdain, and because it’s silly I haven’t been doing this already; I’m going to speak my truth, I’m going to respect and admire my peers without comparing myself to them, I’m going to move more, and I’m going to use my voice to speak out for people who need help being heard.
And of course I’m still going to create lots of recipes and encourage you all to cook more and gather around the table with your loved ones as often as possible. Take care of yourself. Take care of each other.
xoxo
Simone
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Lucia says
Hell to the yeah. The world is ready for more you and if anyone complains—that’s them projecting. This is one of the best posts I’ve read and FELT from in a long time. Thank you for speaking up and being you, wholly,
zenbelly says
Thank you so much, Lucia! That’s so sweet to hear.
Marissa says
So heartfelt and lovely. Thank you for this.
zenbelly says
Thanks, Marissa <3
Alice says
Please keep being you and keep speaking your mind. Thank you for your words. They are healing.
zenbelly says
I think I’ll do just that, the support from this community has been really humbling. Thanks, Alice.
Lydia says
Simone,
Thank you for this too. I was also devastated when I heard about Anthony Bourdain. Thank you for this eloquent post. You’ve captured exactly what I loved and admired about him so much. And do continue to speak your truth (while sharing your awesome recipes– win-win!). You are blessed with this platform, use it like he did. The beauty of our democracy come from the raucous harmony of so many differing voices expounding at once. We need to all talk to each other and challenge each other! So, do it girl. I just moved your newsletter from the promotions folder to the primary folder in my Gmail account. I look forward to hearing more from you.
zenbelly says
🙂 So well said! Thanks, Lydia.
Jen says
This is beautifully written. Please speak your truth. You do it so well! Bourdain was one of those rare individuals who truly impacted so many people from all walks of life around the world. His loss has been felt far and wide. I love what you’ve said here about how he wasn’t afraid to “speak out against injustice and inequality, which he did with as much passion as seeking out the best bowl of noodles.” He definitely was “one of the good ones”. But we can help his memory live on, each of us, by remembering him and taking his lead and speaking our truth as well. Thank you for this post… it truly touched me.
zenbelly says
Yes! I hope I can help his memory live on in the best way possible. Thanks so much Jen.
Melissa says
Authentic, beautiful post. Your sentiments resonate so strongly. I, too, am so deely saddened by the passing of Anthony Bourdain. He was so unpretentious, bridging cultures near and far. A tremendous loss.
I love that you are feeling emboldened to speak so honestly. These are stressful, crazy times. Perhaps it is time to stop pretending everything is peachy. I look forward to hearing your truths.
zenbelly says
Thanks Melissa. And yeah, I try to keep things somewhat light, but it’s become exhausting to pretend everything’s peachy. I appreciate your support.
Heather says
Yes, please speak your truth! Speak loudly against injustice. We need more voices to join in the chorus against complacency. Bourdain would want that, amd he’d want us to keep eating and expamding our minds.
I used to teach a writing class with the theme food and politics because Bourdain was so right. You cannot separate the two, not even a little. Nor should you.
Thank you.
zenbelly says
I would have loved to take that class! You definitely can’t separate them, and I fully support all humans speaking up in an attempt to make the world better. Thanks, Heather!
Lynne says
Beautifully expressed. Like so many of us, I am saddened about another good soul leaving us -for now- It definitely affected me in a way I couldn’t quite verbalize. I didn’t know him personally- but my heart went out to his loved ones. Mental illness is a silent suffering. I guess we just need to love those around us as best as we can, and spread that love to everyone we come in contact with. Share a smile at the grocery store or say a kind word to a stranger. I have an acquaintance who was contemplating suicide unbeknownst to me- we bumped into each other at the store one afternoon , had a brief conversation and went on our way. Years later he told me that our conversation prevented him from following through with his plan. I had no idea, but apparently I said something kind that made him change his mind-I was shocked. I had no idea! It sounds trite, but spread kindness and love- you never know who’s day or life you may change!
zenbelly says
Wow Lynee! It’s so true, you just never know what someone is going through, and being kind is always a better option than not. I have to remind myself of that often. Thanks so much for this, I will definitely keep it as a reminder!
Renee says
Well, that was a nice way to start the day. Well said! Thought provoking. A reminder to do better… be better… do SOMETHING with this life. Thank you for that. And it was a very nice tribute to a good man.
zenbelly says
Thanks, Renee! <3
Dave Gerdes says
Excellent post, Simone. Thanks for all your inventive recipes and for your heartfelt thoughts on the state of our shared world. Many, many years ago when M.F.K. Fisher was asked, “why do you write about food?” This was her response and it reminds me of you: “I cannot count the good people I know who, to my mind, would be even better if they bent their spirits to the study of their own hungers. There are too many of us, otherwise in proper focus, who feel an impatience for the demands of our bodies, and who try throughout our whole lives, none too successfully, to deafen ourselves to the voices of our various hungers. Some stuff the wax of religious solace in our ears. Others practice a Spartan if somewhat pretentious disinterest in the pleasures of the flesh, or pretend that if we do not admit our sensual delight in a ripe nectarine we are not guilty … of even that tiny lust! I believe that one of the most dignified ways we are capable of, to assert and then reassert our dignity in the face of poverty and war’s fears and pains, is to nourish ourselves with all possible skill, delicacy, and ever-increasing enjoyment. And with our gastronomical growth will come, inevitably, knowledge and perception of a hundred other things, but mainly of ourselves. Then Fate, even tangled as it is with cold wars as well as hot, cannot harm us.”
M.F.K. Fisher
zenbelly says
Beautiful, Thank you Dave!
V says
U go girl.
zenbelly says
<3 <3 <3
Shannon says
So well said! Bourdain made me want to travel, try new foods, cook in ways I had never thought I even could… everything outside the box. He will definitely be missed. And thank you for being real. 🙂
Nicole says
Nailed it…Thank you!
Jody says
Beautifully said, and I look forward to reading your views on a plethora of subjects, not just food (although I am eternally grateful for New Yiddish Kitchen which brings Jewish food and the flavors of my childhood back to me without triggering my food intolerances). Your candor is refreshing and appreciated.
Anthony Bourdain will be sorely missed by many, but his legacy lives on through people like you. Heartfelt thanks and A gezunt ahf dein kop!
Raj @ www.ThePrimalDesire.com says
Thank you!
I already said that in response to your email about the shitty shit that is happening in the US. But really, thank you for saying what needs to be said, and for using your recipe website to speak to your audience. It’s helping me to see that we can/should all be doing this.
We all need to stick together as loving human beings to build each other up, rather than discriminate and rip each other apart.
Lotsa Love and e-Hugs
Brad Engstrand says
Thanks Simone. As the partner of someone who has her own struggles with mental health and, more importantly, how little our culture understands, or wants to understand, that it’s not about character or will, it’s refreshing to see someone land solidly and reach out to her/his community while also offering incredible support on her own, via food and what it really means. Add to the issues around mental health all the hate and vile, vile, lack of curiosity our culture is perpetuating and this makes for a powerful post. Be strong, fight back.
zenbelly says
Thank you, Brad. I really appreciate the nice note, and really hope the dialogue and treatment of mental health improves. Sending love your way!