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Embracing my curly hair (and why I don’t use the curly girl method)

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I have been fighting with my hair most of my life. This year, I decided to finally start embracing my curly hair. As a tiny human, I had fine, stick straight hair. You know how it goes; people with straight hair want curly hair and vice versa. In third grade, my dad let me get a perm at JC Penny. (My mom was thrilled, as you can probably imagine.) It wasn’t until years -YEARS! – later that I realized the perm was long gone and my hair, at some point, had become naturally curly.

embracing my curly hair

It wasn’t until this year – I am 42 – that I started to learn how to treat my hair like curly hair. Up until that point, I ran the gamut of blowdrying / burning it straight (and of course then adding “beachy” waves with more heat), getting keratin treatments, braiding / twisting it while it dried to keep it from turning into a total frizzy mess, and trying every shampoo and conditioner on the planet. I was hopeful that the perfect product or hair cut existed to give me wash and wear hair.

I have never had anything against curly hair, in fact I have always loved it on other people. I always just assumed that I didn’t have Good Curly Hair. I mean, if I simply wash it and let it air dry, I absolutely do not have Good Curly Hair.

Here’s an example of just how bad my hair can be; this is after a couple of weeks in mineral hot springs in Costa Rica:

curly girl

While scrolling Facebook this summer, I saw an ad for a curly hair product that made me realize – HOLD UP. I just haven’t been treating my hair like curly hair. That was my big curly hair aha moment. And that’s when I fell deep into the curly girl method rabbit hole.

It’s been 3 months of researching and experimenting with the Curly Girl method and variations of it, and I’m finally coming up for air. I’ve been sharing my progress on Instagram, and people on there have expressed interest in what I’m doing and what I’m using, so I’m spilling it all on this here blog post.

Here I am after my first wash day, using (sort of) the curly girl method:

curly girl

And here I am after wash day number two; already a pretty big difference:

curly girl

Getting a curly cut made the biggest difference. Curls need layers and shape. Going to a curly hair specialist resulted in the cut my hair really needed:

curly girl

This blog post is not intended to be a rabbit hole, so I’ll sum up the Curly Girl Method for you.

What to avoid on the Curly Girl Method:

  • shampoo
  • heat styling
  • brushing your hair (especially when dry)
  • terry cloth towels
  • sulfates, parabens, and silicones.
embracing my curly hair

One of my better hair days when my hair was this length. I keep going shorter, but this photo makes me want to grow it out! Hmmmm… 

What I think about all of that:

I can easily get behind eliminating certain ingredients. No problem there. I’m happy to use a micorfiber towel and t-shirt instead of a terry cloth towel to get the excess moisture out of my hair. And if brushing my hair when it’s dry is only causing damage, that’s not something I’ll miss. On those elements, I’m all about the Curly Girl Method.

As far as shampoo goes, I haven’t found any cowash (cleansing conditioner) that I like. Low lather? Sure. No lather? Nah. I need a little lather for my scalp to feel clean.

I haven’t plugged in my flat iron or barrel roller for months, and I feel great about that. However, using zero heat to dry my hair means my hair is wet for hours; we’re basically talking all freaking day. That’s just not practical. My hair dryer has a cold, warm and hot setting. I use it on warm until it’s mostly dry and then switch to cold to finish it. My curly hair specialist stylist gave me the okay on this, btw. She uses heat to dry in her salon, and just advised against using flat iron level heat. If you can smell your hair burning, that is way too hot.

What I have found over the course of 3 months – my big takeaways:

  • Technique is as important, maybe even more important than, the products.
  • There is as much dogma in the curly hair world as there is in the food world. (Hard pass on both)
  • It is a process. Do not expect your hair to be magically changed after one wash day. My hair has continued to get curlier (and healthier) week after week.
  • In the epic battle against frizz, I’ve found the things that have helped the most are: using a moisturizing shampoo, and applying leave-in conditioner.
  • Products are necessary. I was so low maintenance once upon a time, and those days are over.
  • Curly hair needs moisture, and products all need to be applied to wet hair.
  • Using less heat means longer dry time. A microfiber towel was one of the best purchases I made, it cuts my dry time in about half!

What has worked on my curly hair – technique:

My wash day routine (every 3rd day or so, based on how my scalp feels and how my hair looks)  to cleanse:  I shampoo using a low lather, moisturizing shampoo, and then condition- I apply plenty of conditioner, both raking it in and squishing it in – Squish to Condish- it’s a thing. This is when I detangle, using my fingers and sometimes a wide toothed comb. I leave the conditioner in for a few minutes (singing optional) and then rinse with warm (cool is good too, but not hot) water.

To style: Still in the shower, I gently scrunch out a little bit of the moisture, but not much, and then apply leave-in conditioner, and detangle again. For the following steps, I do most of it flipped over, with my hair hanging off the top of my head: I apply a defining cream, which I rake in gently for even distribution, and then glaze in (between flat hands, like you’re putting them together in prayer, if you will, and/or use a curly hair brush like this one to clump my curls. Then I scrunch.  Then I apply a gel also using the praying hands method, and then scrunch.

And then, if I haven’t fallen in the slippery shower and knocked myself unconscious by this point, I use the microfiber towel to squeeze out the excess moisture.  And then  – can you even believe – I scrunch in a wee bit more gel. Isn’t it funny that going natural is way more work than burning the shit out of it was? Hilarious.

Finally, I plop with an old t-shirt. I would not do a great job explaining how to plop, so the google is your friend in this situation.

I leave the plop on for 20-30 minutes, and then I take it off and do a combo of air drying and diffusing on medium and low heat. It doesn’t matter what kind of hair dryer and diffuser you have, but make sure you know how to use it. I realized after watching this video that I was doing it all wrong. Once you’re there, feel free to go ahead and watch all Mel’s videos, she’s hilarious and they’re super informative.

Searching for curly hair videos on Youtube? You’ll easily fall into the Curly Girl rabbit hole. Bring snacks.

Before and after in one photo- wild right? My curly side is looking a little lower, which is disturbing, but you get the idea:

curly girl

What has (and hasn’t) worked on my curly hair – products:

I’ve tried a bunch of curly hair products, and will probably continue to try more if they look promising. I am aware that my hair will continue to change and get healthier, so the first products I tried might “work better” now than they did when I was new to the curly hair thing. Keeping that in mind, I’ll rotate them all and try ones I wasn’t sure about originally.

My consistent favorites so far have been from Bouncecurl. I use the moisturizing shampoo (on most days), clarifying shampoo (once every few weeks), the cream conditioner, leave-in conditioner, clump and define cream, and cream gel.

The first curly products I tried were from LUS, which I liked at first, but didn’t love after a few washes. The shampoo is on the clarifying side (more lather, less moisturizing) and the 3-in-1 third step isn’t quite enough for my hair. The scent is also not my favorite.

I was excited to try the line from Raw Curls, since it is probably the cleanest line of products I’ve come across so far. I love their gels and their anti-frizz spray, but haven’t loved their shampoo and conditioner. Like I mentioned above, I will try them again now that my hair has changed quite a bit!

Needed a haircut. Covid times. Did it myself. If I don’t style my hair when it’s SOAKING wet, I get way less definition. Which is okay, I don’t mind the variation! This is also the shortest I’ve gone. 

Most recently, I used the softening 4 step system from Curl Mix. It definitely made my hair softer, but I didn’t get quite as much definition as I have with the Bouncecurl and Raw Curls stylers. (update 9/4/20: I’ve been really liking the Curl Mix moisturizer and flax gel. It gives me the best crunch, which is just so satisfying to scrunch out once it’s completely dry.)

On my list to try: Innersense and Rahua, but this shit is getting expensive so I might stick with Bouncecurl for a while since I know it works!

Here is my most recent hair, about 3 months in of treating my hair like curly hair!

As I mentioned, this is a process, so I will continue to update you with my favorite new products and techniques I like for my curly hair! Do you have favorite curly products you think I should try? Let me know in the comments.

More non-food girly shit can be found here and here.


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Comments

    • I never ever brush when it’s dry, and I’ve never washed my hair every day. Sometimes I give it a little spritz with water, sometimes I use the anti-frizz spray from Raw Curls. I don’t do much, and often have a high pony situation by the third day. There are definitely people who have mastered the refresh, but I have not!

      Reply

  3. My hair is super wavy and fine so I’m in a constant battle of how much product is too much product? Currently, I like The Ouai air dry foam and I also like deva curl’s wave maker.
    I also Want to try Rahua but the price tag… sheesh….

    Reply

    • It definitely requires some trial and error! I tried to go super light on product just to see, and it didn’t go so well haha. And yeah Rahua is pricey, but people who love it really love it!

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  4. These last pics are my favorite curly pics of your hair yet! It looks really great! I’m also a big fan of the Bouncecurl Light Cream Gel and the Clarifying Shampoo.

    I bought trial sizes of Innersense and ended up splurging on the full sizes of several products. I bought the trial sizes from another green beauty website so I could save the first time customer discount on their website for the full sizes. It’s true their products behave a little differently than others, so there’s a learning curve. I quite like the I Create Hold gel as a single styler (although sometimes I cheat and use a few spritzes of the Finish hairspray right before diffusing when I want to cheat and use drying alcohol).

    I’d recommend Giovanni — their products are so affordable and are some of my favorites. I especially love the 50:50 Balanced shampoo and conditioner. (I find that conditioner has more slip than the Deeper Moisture Silk one.) Also the Turbo Charged mousse/foam, and the Direct Leave-in (super light). They have a great selection of trial sizes on their website, and they shipped quickly. (But otherwise you can find them at WF or more cheaply on Vitacost.)

    I also just tried and liked the Design Essentials Almond & Avocado Mousse (it has two water-soluble silicones, FYI, has a strongish scent, and is mid-priced at Ulta).

    Sorry for the long comment – I’ve been rediscovering my curly hair lately too, if you couldn’t have guessed!

    Reply

  6. My hair also turned curly after 2 perms in the 80s! I recently discovered salt spray – that seems to make a difference too.

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  7. You’re curly hair is looking beautiful!
    I’m a fan of Jessicurl styling products. They work great and they’re available unscented.

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  8. Your hair looks beautiful! I’ve been using innersense for about 6 weeks now and am happy with it so far. It was definitely an adjustment from conventional salon stuff. I use their color radiance hair bath and sweet spirit leave in conditioner. I found the regular conditioner to be too heavy for my hair, which was so different from other products. For styling, I use the I create volume foam and that’s it!

    Reply

  9. Thanks for sharing this! So helpful and I need to try the bouncecurl products. Most of the curly hair shampoos (currently using Devacurl) make my hair feel greasy after 2 days so I rotate between them and the conventional shampoos (I use Alterna). How do you sleep so that your hair wakes up with defined curls? I find that my curls become a frizzy bomb when I wake up, forcing me to deal with it by tying it up. Love this post!!!

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  10. I am pretty sure my return the the curls started shortly before yours and it’s such a process! I use deva curl because they have so many travel sizes and easier to find what works! Definitely considering the bounce curl though, I’ve heard great things from lots of YouTube strangers in the black hole of curly hair videos! My refresh day pretty much means take it out of the pineapple and spray it down with mister water bottle to reactivate all the product and let air dry again! I can go 3 days with hair down and then last day is pony for sure! Thanks for the tips!!

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  12. Inner sense is the best. I have Rahua Hydration and I’m going to ask my straight haired daughter to use it up because Innersense is the best. Pricey, but it lasts a long time!

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  13. My daughter follows you on Instagram and sent me this post because I recently decided to embrace my natural curls. Your post gives me hope and I think your hair looks amazing! I’m about 3 months into my transition and have admittedly fallen into the Curly Girl rabbit hole! Although pricey, I do love New Wash from Hairstory for cowashing. My hair feels clean and the product has a bit of slip to it. My hair is not long enough for the pineapple method, and I’ve discovered medusa clipping to be a great alternative. Not pretty, but very effective. Any chance you can share the name of curly hair specialist who cut your hair?

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  14. Your curly hair is gorgeous!!!
    I’m so excited that you are embracing and honoring your natural hair. I’m a curly girl too and I feel like curls have some much personality- it’s like they are an accessory. I’ve been using Innersence products for a while and would highly recommend them. Pricey, yes, but green, clean and they deliver results.

    Reply

  15. I love it!! I finally had some curls coming back after babies and a friend of ours was a curly hair stylist god so he gave me a curly cut and conditioner tricks. Then his funeral was on my next hair appointment day so it all makes me sad still. He was the sweetest dude too. Anywho I love watching you embrace your curls, especially since I’ve always thought our hair was so similar

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  16. I was looking for new products for my aging dry hair. I came across this your blog via Facebook. I ordered Bounce Curl shampoos, conditioner and leave in conditioner. Plus watched a few of their tutorial videos. Oh my! My gray curls returned after first wash!! Plus I changed the way I treated my hair after washing, letting it stay drippy wet & then add product. Not only do I use smaller amounts of shampoo & conditioner on my hair, but Bounce Curl smells wonderful. And I only have to wash my hair twice a week. Thank you for sharing your curly hair journey!!! 🙂

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  17. thanks to this post. i ordered bounce curl and have been using it for about a month. i love it. i wish i’d discovered it years ago… or before i chopped my curls short!! lol needless to say i’m growing it out with luscious curls!
    i have battled these curls for all of my 50 years. now is as good a time as any to embrace them. so again thank you!!

    Reply

  18. What do you do with all the product leftover after trying them? It seems that alone would get overwhelming.

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  19. I am so relieved to find this post. It is refreshing to have finally found an honest review that is straight to the point. I can completely identify! I actually read it right before I tried CurlMix. I feel the same; I obtained the softness but had given up big bouncy curls. No thanks! I’d rather have frizz all day (I actually love my frizz). I am about to get both Innersense and BounceCurl in the mail.

    My story: I quit DevaCurl in February after women came out with their stories. I quit and noticed my breakage, scalp itch, and dandruff stop within 2 weeks. My hair is now more beautiful with nothing used than on DevaCurl.

    I now use a scalp massager, castor oil/sunflower oil before a wash, apple cider vinegar to rinse once a week, and a silk pillowcase. I can’t believe I ignored my scalp for so long! It is so important.

    I now use:
    Wellnesse shampoo (awesome ingredients, maybe too much lather)
    Kinky Curly shampoo (low lather, minimal ingredients)
    Wellnesse conditioner (like but don’t love)
    Kinky Curly leave-in conditioner (THE BEST)

    I can’t believe how amazing Kinky Curly leave-in works in my 3a-3b hair. How can this be 8 bucks? The only difference I see is their added marshmallow root. Maybe this is the key!

    Can’t wait to try Bounce Curl and Innersense! I will update you. Also, what kind of blow dryer and diffuser do you use? I am considering the expense of a dyson. Thank you for your raw information!

    Reply

    • Hi…just found this post today (while looking for her apple pie bar recipe) and I have been a Deva Curl product user for years now. I always thought my scalp itchiness was just me! I am definitely taking notes here and plan on trying some new products. Aging, going grey and thyroid issues have caused my hair to thin a bunch and change texture…so definitely need to take care of my hair while I hopefully still have it. 🙂

      Reply

  20. Absolutely love the fringe! Yours looks wonderful. I am trying to coax mine in that direction. Sometimes they just twist whichever way they like. I have more wavy hair in the front and very curly hair in the back and I am someone who does not like to fuss too much to get it all to be uniform. So I am experimenting. Thanks for the wonderful post.

    Reply

  22. This was very helpful to me! I like your ideas and your ability to fudge on some of the “roles”. And, your hair is lovely! Thank you!

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  23. Thanks a lot to you for sharing embracing my curly hair. here, these kind of ideas are were much needed. I really appreciate that you have provided the data too, really appreciative and useful blog for us. Looking for more!!

    Reply

  24. Perfect timing for this post! Appreciating the time and effort you put into your website and in-depth information you offer. You’ve really covered up almost all the possible info that every female should follow. Worth sharing! Please do continue sharing updates! Thanks!

    Reply

  25. I just started doing the curly girl method during Covid. It doesn’t seem to work for me. Maybe because my hair has got so long. It leaves my scalp feeling oily and dirty. I use a t shirt to dry my hair. Thank you for all of your research. I’m going to try that. Your hair looks amazing!

    Reply

    • Thanks Judy! It typically takes a while for hair to bounce back from being abused with heat styling, but if your scalp feels dirty, I’d just use a shampoo that really lathers, as opposed to a cleansing conditioner. I need to do that too- my scalp doesn’t feel clean if I don’t get good lather.

      Reply

  26. I currently use CurlMix. Maybe you know…or not, the Vanilla Berry and Sensitive Line have the strongest hold (you will get a cast). I use the Sensitive line for the leave in and gel, and the watermelon line for shampooing and conditioning.

    By the way, your hair looks fantastic! Like you, I spent many years fighting my curly hair…and at the ripe ol’ age of 40 I tried to truly figure it out. The process was not pretty and lots, and lots of curly hair systems and products were purchased!! Now, four years later I have the curly hair I’d been looking for all my life. Your story made me laugh because I could totally relate. Although, in our defense we didn’t have all these curly product options growing up. It was aquanet, the blue gel stuff and Aussie which didn’t come out till the late 80’s early 90’s…Or maybe it wasn’t available in my are till then. Thanks for sharing your story! The struggle is real.

    Reply

    • Thanks, Ana! and you’re so right- Good curly products were not abundant back then. I need to try more stuff from Curl Mix, I started really loving their flax gel recently.

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  28. I use more heat on my hair in the winter than in the summer when natural waves are more acceptable. I definitely needed some tips on keeping it healthy.

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  29. You AND your hair are beautiful! I love reading curly journeys! I learn something new from every one, and love how there is now a curly community, as there wasn’t when I was growing up pre-blowdryer/pre-styling products. Women back then got weekly shampoo and styles at the local beauty shop; mousse didn’t happen until I was in college!

    I’m not a plop/plump fan, but prefer using the roller jaw clips from http://www.frizzoff.com. I also swear by their Curly Keeper Original product and their version of the Denman brush. Like LUS, they are a Canadian company dedicated to curly hair, but unlike LUS, their products are not heavy and greasy with an overwhelming odor that can be smelled across a football stadium. Their products smell light and fresh and the scent dissipates when dry, and their styling products are water-activated, so all I do is scrunch with wet hands on non-wash days!

    For my thick, medium long 3b curls, I rely on Davines Momo Shampoo and conditioner, and also use a little of the conditioner as a leave-in. Then I brush in the Curl Keeper Original with their Flexy brush, and if my hair is layered shorter, like it is now, clip the top section up for 20-30 minutes with the roller jaw clips to form curls on my harder to curl top (the weight drags them down), which also lets the hair underneath curl better and dry faster. This also helps with volume up top. Then I diffuse, which also helps with the curls and volume, and controls frizz. Plus who has time to let their hair dry for 8 hours?! When she’s running late, my curly stylist aims her heater vents at her hair while driving. Diffusing while driving- it works! 😉

    As for the COVID cuts, I am totally grateful to the professional tutorials from Free Salon Education on YouTube. Matt is an awesome stylist and trainer, and I can now cut my own hair, something I never thought I would do! It’s not as good as my stylist would do, of course, but as I have to stay in my bubble, it works. Not chancing coloring though with anything but the Davines temporary color my stylist sends me; curly hair is notoriously difficult to color. I miss my pretty color and my darling, talented stylist, but we all gotta be smart and stay safe.

    And yes on Mel- I watch her for fun!

    Reply

  30. Who knew I would find great info and insight about curly hair on a food blog! I love it! Thanks for sharing your experiences. I am not one to keep trying different products, but Deva Curl just doesn’t seem to be working for me any more. So I’m excited to check out some suggestions you and others mentioned.

    Thanks for your work – and I’m going to find your apple pie bar recipe now. 🙂

    Reply

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